I miss her
by themanemmaloves
Summary: This is kinda OOC for me to write considering it's not romance or Captain Swan. I wanted to write something Captain Cobra (Killian and Henry) and this turned out. Some moments are inspired by the wonderful father/son relationship between my uncle and his son. Hope you enjoy it :)


Killian wasn't fully aware of how or when it happened, it just did. He was always fond of Henry, but recently the two of them grew a lot closer then Killian could ever excpect they would.

The pain of losing the person they both loved the most was probably the reason for it.

Now, they were sitting in Killian's cabin, sipping warm tea, completely surrounded by all kinds of books and papers they read and reread in hopes of finsing a way to untethering the darkness from Emma. Two months later, they were still nowhere.

Henry was sitting on Killian's bed, feet placed beneath his thighs quite uncomfortably, which was probably going to be painful as hell when he gets up.

Killian was sitting opposite of him, one leg placed on a stack of books on his desk while the other one rested on the floor. His hand shook with along with the book he held in it as he kept struggling to keep his eyes open.

They were both so tired. Days and days went by and their sleep schedules just kept getting worse. But they handled it. Every time they would feel hope abbandoning them they would remind themselves of the fact that even the smallest thing they might find could help Emma.

 _They handled it_. All up until today. Killian noticed a change on Henry's face the moment he saw him. Even on the toughest and most tiring days Henry as the one to reassure them both and fake a smile to ease things.

Today, Henry came to the ship with the saddest and most discouarged look Killian ever saw on his face. He thought it was just temporary, the boy could simply be tired of the pace they had and the amount of work they had done and had left to do, so he didn't bring it up.

But it wasn't temporary. It lasted, the whole day. In the evening, after hitting yet another dead end, Henry just snapped. He threw the book he held into the wall and just closed his eyes then burried his face into his hands.

„What's wrong, lad?"

Henry sighed deeply, fingers roughly tracing his cheeks and leaving soft marks behind, then looked up at Killian.

„Nothing. We got nothing. One month and still nothing. We went through dozens of books and we found nothing."

„Henry, are you alright?"

He just shook his head side to side in response.

It wasn't typical of him to act like this, he was always the one who believed. Even when no one else would, he was the one who never lost hope.

Perhaps everything is now changed and the believer stopped believing.

Killian understood that, and him. He wasn't always a pirate either. Unfortuante series of events drove him to deciding to start a new dark chapter in his life. He became something unrecognizable to his past self.

Worst of all, he became OK with it. He was OK with not being that full of hope and happiness lietuenant he once was. He slowly learned how to live with what he decided to become – a dark, hopeless and full of bitterness pirate driven by revenge.

Living with the knowledge that the person you once were would be disgusted by the person you've become haunted him. In fact, it still does.

None of the things he's done to be better were enough to change the fact that he never stopped feeling that he is not or ever will be. That feeling is something that sticks with you no matter how hard you try to keep it away.

Killian didn't want that for Henry. He didn't want him to lose the part of his personality that made him him.

He slowly dragged himself out of his chair, floor creaking below him as he stood up and headed towards him. His gaze was focused on the floor and he barely flinched when Killian sat on the bed next to him.

„What's going on Henry?"

„Nothing... I'm sorry. Let's just... Let's just forget about it and continue with the research OK?"

Henry grabbed another book that stood close to him and then started pretending he was actually reading it.

„It's not OK. Are you alright?"

„Yes."

Killian gently placed his hand on the book and closed it, grabbing it and then put it away. Henry didn't complain. He just stared blankly in complete silence.

„Lad, look..."

Henry interrupted him, again, this time sounding as upset as the minute before and said:

„I'm not OK..."

Killian exhaled, part of him relieved Henry is no longer scared to talk, other part of him terrified that something bad happened.

„What's going on?"

„I'm scared."

„Of what?"

„Not being able to help mom. Her possibly staying tethered to the darkness... How do you do it?"

„How do I do what?"

„Staying calm. Being patient."

Killian forcibly chuckled at his words.

„I'm not."

„You are."

„That's just how it looks like, Henry. I'm scared too.I'm bloody terrified."

„Then how are you not freaking out?"

He chuckled, again, and this time, a smile truly appeared on his face as he gently threw an arm around Henry, pulling him closer. Henry leaned his head on Killian's shoulder, trying his best to stay calm and Killian leaned his head on Henry's.

„One of the things I've learned from your family, and you especially, is that losing hope is the worst thing you could to yourself. Freaking out or not, I believe we can bring her back. Or at least help her bring herself back. Do you believe in that?"

„Of course I do... I just..."

His voice started to crack and he immideatly stopped talking. Killian moved his head and gently turned Henry towards him.

His eyes were full of tears and fear. He wanted to believe, but this time the fear outweighed that desire.

„I know you're scared. I know that you sometimes feel like you don't know what you're suppoused to do anymore, because you've already done your best. But Henry, we _will_ find her. She's going to come back to us."

„And what if she doesn't?"

Henry allowed one tear to drip down his face. It crushed Killian to see him like this. It would crush Emma if she saw him like this too.

Killian leaned his forhead against Henry's and stayed like that for a moment. Then he whispered:

„She will. I promise."

Henry didn't immideatly feel better, or more reassured, but it was easier for him. He knew he didn't have to do this alone, that he wasn't a loner anymore. He had a family who loved him and now had the same goal as him – to bring his mother back home.

Killian hugged him again after that and Henry didn't pull away. He hugged him back as well.

"I just really miss her."

Henry muttered. With his head still leaned on Henry's shoulder and his eyes focused on the picture on the nightstand of Emma and him, Killian struggled to hold back tears too. Instead he smiled and tried to believe his own words of reassurment.

"I do too lad. I do too..."


End file.
